The Piglet and the Beast
by Valyemma
Summary: Crack Halloween fic What happened to the infamous Eiken after Tasuki banned him from the Mounts Reikaku? Read and find out!


Summary: [Crack fic] [Repost] What happened to the infamous Eiken after Tasuki banned him from the Mounts Reikaku? Read and find out!

**Disclaimer:** Anything you recognize belong to their owners.

**Rating:** R (Because this may hurt the sensibility of certain people.)

**Genre:** A totally crack couple and so a sick fic. That's just for the laughing, if sickness amuses you.

**Warnings:** Crack Halloween fic.

Do not eat, drink, or think about having sex after reading it. Can cause heart attacks, permanent absence of the libido, nightmares and in the extreme cases, suicide.

**Pairing:** Ashitare + Eiken. (I have warned you!!!)

**Notes:** Happy Halloween!

So... enjoy... if you can stomach it...

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**The Piglet and the Beast**

By Valy

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After have been banned of Tasuki's band, Eiken was surviving with difficulty in the forest covering the border between the Konan and the Kutou. Not daring anymore to show himself in the villages of the environs for cause of his sexual predator tendencies and his newly official position in top of the chart of "Who the kids are the most afraid of today?" winning over "Xon-Xon, the freaky nose-collector" (known for taking noses and run away), but still under "'Smell my finger!' Pa-Li Hi-Li-Tong" (a poser known for being proud of her waste-smelling fingers, and for forcing them under everyone's noses), he wandered, alone, in the deepest, darkest, scariest part of the forest.

Where the sun was seldom caring of giving even a little ray of light to its unworthy and deplorable residents. Where the smell was so terrible he had to use a bird to not confuse the water with the urine...

This was a hellish place. Neither the bears nor tigers had the guts to walk in the site. Who knew what kind of creatures frequented this obscure part of the forest?

Every night he was forced to sleep in a decrepit tree, fearing that some strange animal would devour him, intimidated by these hundreds of lambent eyes observing him hungrily. So, to not suffer of insomnia, he forced himself to imagine these were the starry eyes of beautiful young girls who desired him.

And the research of food also was really fiendish. The fauna, alarmed by the distinctive smell of that new predator seeming coming right out from a screwed up hell, had mastered the art of hiding. The plants and valid trees themselves were nonexistent in this new home.

But one day, when his feet begun to have mushrooms growing upon and spider webs under his arms, he decided it was time to look for food in a brighter area of the forest, hoping to find some fruit trees, or with some chance, a small animal.

And after three hours of researches, the chance made its arrival as a white rabbit had suddenly burst out from a bush.

He quickly grabbed his bow, pulled an arrow, and killed the animal.

Once the fire was set, he skinned the rabbit, pondering if he could use the furred trophy as a new warm and comfortable underwear for the next winter, or maybe a soft and washable tissue that would replace the leaves that sometimes used to deserve ugly surprises to his delicate orifice.

A growl coming from nowhere interrupted his thoughts. 'What the fuck is that?'

With precaution, he looked around him, as he slowly reached for his bow. An imposing dark shadow formed itself out of the trees. He shot.

The silhouette screamed with pain as Eiken cheered at his new victim. "Fine! I'm now sure I'll not lack food for the next days!"

"Oh! No! Please! Don't eat me!" It could speak? So it was human! Dread ran down his spine as he feared repercussions from the people that had chances to be around if this person was not alone.

He cautiously approached and discovered with terror that this person was not really human. "Wha-- Who are you?"

The strange wounded creature had a slight resemblance with a wolf, his wrapped form showing a greenish gray skin, where pilosity was apparent, his hand holding his wounded shoulder had unusually long nails he could have sworn they were used as claws. Red eyes and sharp teeth were the lone elements that were animal in his face.

And that was that made him scary...

"I'm... Ashitare... I've... traveled for days... and I haven't been eating for days... Please... don't kill me!"

Eiken was puzzled (but mainly relieved) that hunger and the wound from which blood was dripping unceasingly weakened the wolf-man. But he took pity of the beast, and decided to take some care of his shoulder.

Later, Eiken gave half of the rabbit to Ashitare.

"You've escaped from your owner's house? Maybe shall I bring you back there, and have a great reward!" Eiken pondered, stroking on his rarefied growing beard.

"Oh no! Please! My owner is so mean with me! He whips me, gives me the dishes to lick as only food, and puts my nose in my waste when he had no walked me for days... Oh please! I'll help you to get animals! I'm very good at hunting!" He sat at his feet, and gave him his best beaten-puppy look.

Eiken pondered the idea for minutes, and then, he shrugged. "Okay, I give you a chance. But you'll have to obey me!"

Ashitare, who had his leg raised against a tree, bared his fangs into the most horrible smile he could give.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" He now was bouncing around the ancient bandit, from time to time running after his nonexistent tail. "You'll not regret it!"

After three days, Eiken realized his had been the best decision to his life; he made a friend who brought him food, protected him from predators, and the most important: he finally had company.

But there was something missing. The ex-bandit was a perverted man who loved the pleasures young girls could bring him, and his new companion was not the best candidate for this kind of relationship.

"You shall bring me one girl."

Ashitare, who was amusing himself at licking his genitals, raised one eyebrow. "What? You want me to get into a village and kidnap some women?"

"Exactly." He said, scratching on his crotch. "I am a man, and I want to fuck some chicks. I want them young, if possible around fifteen years old, beautiful, with big breasts."

"Okay, I'll bring you a corpse."

"ARE YOU CRAZY??? I DONT DO IT WITH CORPSES! IT'S NOT FUNNY! I WANT A FRESH AND ALIVE YOUNG WOMAN!"

"But my ears are sensitive to their high-pitched screaming!"

"Go with it, you promised me to obey!"

Ashitare felt frustrated and worried. He did not want to loose his new friend; neither entered into a village and have arrows, swords or other weapons against him. But on the other side, this was the moment to reveal his hidden secret, the thing he wished to tell to Eiken, and this was the best moment for the disclosure.

"I'm going to tell you a secret. You know, I once was a really beautiful girl with huge breasts and such an ass... You would be surprised!"

"Really?"

"Yes, but one evil witch put a spell on me by jealousy of my beauty, so... Here how I look now... But to regain my former self, I must love a man, who must love me in return, and accept to be mine..."

"Awww--and how big were your boobies?"

"Like this!" He described with his arms a round chest that would have made Tasuki's mother's look flat in comparison.

"Wooooow!!! These bastards! Couldn't they help you getting your initial form, knowing you were actually a really hot chick?" He asked, looking more concerned by the mental image of his lover's former chest, his fingers seeming to palpate invisible breasts, although saliva begun dribbling from his mouth.

"Yes, but they preferred throwing rocks at me and do many other things I prefer not describe. Then, I've been welcomed into my former owner's house, and like I told you the other day, he also was quite mean with me. But you, you've been so nice to me, and you seem to deserve the person I truly am deep down. And... I think I'm falling in love with you." The wolf-man blushed at the confession.

"R—really?" Eiken's mind was swirling into ecstasy and fulfillment. One gorgeous girl was hiding into his friend, and if their love was accomplished, she'll be his forever!

"You know, I also really... really like you, and since you've made these revelations to me... I think I love you even more!"

After silent minutes, they leapt into each other's embraces. [AN: I prefer not give a lot details except those below...]

"Oh... you feel so soft..." Eiken murmured, his hand stroking the hairy back, eliciting a groan of pleasure from the wolf-man. He kissed his neck, exalted by the so beastly scent of his hair.

Ashitare licked his face hungrily, drinking every of his love words as their breaths mixed into a such a fetid odor that made the flies fall dead.

"Oh... Ashitare, you've got me rid of these flies! Thank you! I was getting enough to have them laying their eggs in my mouth while sleeping. I feel so grateful now that I will let you play with my leg as many time you want!"

"Oh, Eiken... Thank you! I never dared asking you to!" And he so proceeded at his favorite game.

Minutes later, Ashitare never felt so happy, he had found somebody to love, and who loved him back. And he felt it was time to consummate their relationship.

Eiken, for his part, was also happy, but one question burned his lips.

"Why do you want me, and only me from all people? I am sure there's other guys, who can be nice to you and take care of you..."

"Oh yes, but you, you're so big, so strong, so pink, so smelly, so fat... so... tender... so... juicy... You marinated into the best wines and young women. So... So... I want you, and just you!" He suddenly seemed to be speaking to himself like into a kind of trance, as drool begun to form on the corners of his mouth. He was so appetizing! He wanted him more than he ever wanted any other person to devour.

"I know, I am a real sex-bomb." He said, caressing pretentiously the few long hairs composing his beard.

"Oh, Piglet, let me show you how much I love and desire you... Not just your leg... but you..." He smirked and licked his lips. "And so... I'll transform back into the beautiful woman I once was."

"Oh yes! I am all your!" Snuffled Eiken, opening his arms wide to welcome his love.

'What an idiot...' Ashitare thought, baring his teeth in an evil grin before to pounce.

There was a loud growl and a tearing of clothes.

"You are mine now..."

From the deepest part of the forest, wild porcine cries echoed until the closer villages.

"NOT WITH THE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETH!!!"

Since that day, nobody saw Eiken again...

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THE END

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Notes: I'm really sorry you've had to read this screwed up mix of The Frog Prince and The Beauty and the Beast... *facepalms*

Oh my god... Ashitare ate Eiken... After all, he deserved it. *approving nod*

Okay, he could have eaten him sooner, but well... I wanted this story to be funny. And I hope you liked it too... ^^;

I hope you will not run away next time I'll post a fic... I never written that kind of stuff before, and don't intend to again. (Despite I had a good laugh! Mixed with nausea...)

I tried to, all the same, not detail too much the story. I didn't want to puke on my laptop. I also have my limits.


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